The maid of honor just puked.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
