this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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