the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
