I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
