I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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