Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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