I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
