I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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