Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
