guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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