Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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