She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
