please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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