Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
