bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
