Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
