sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
