Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
