These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
