if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
