Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
