I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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