I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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