i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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