piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
