He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
