i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
