we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
