So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
