I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
