Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he was CRYING into my vagina
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
