Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
