Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
