a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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