So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
