I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
