Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
