if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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