literally had 100 drinks last night.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
