I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
