I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
