I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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