If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
