I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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