I can tuck mytits in my pants
My underwear smells like fireworks.
only if we run a train.
done.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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