I love black thongs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
