i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Two words: nipple clamps
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