I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
