i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
