Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Randomize
