fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
