you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
