Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
