Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
