i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
even my farts smell like vagina
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
