If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she peed on how many people?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
