My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
