you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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