went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize