my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
