My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
