Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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