"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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