I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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