I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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