So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
