I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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