You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
