Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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