brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
