After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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