I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
