Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
