she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
