if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
