God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
