Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
