EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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