my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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