The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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