Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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