FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Watching her eat just hurts me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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