How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
