I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
