dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
