Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
